the FIRST time I heard the words Rheumatoid Arthritis from a doctor
So he was a new doctor to me. My friend and neighbor recommended him highly. He seemed nice, but a bit casual. He chatted with me about my history. At this point I’d been limping for years. I was at the point where my daily functioning was being affected by the pain. It was so I bad I had trouble sleeping. It would wake me up (Hey, pain, it’s 3:30 am and I have to get the kids up at 6. Could you go away now?). It was making work hard. The PT was treating me at least twice a day just so I could get through the day. So the doctor, this rheumatologist, who seems nice enough says “Can I tell you a dirty joke?” (UH what?!) I should have left then. I should have yelled at him. I should have turned him in to the AMA. But I just said “I guess so.” I was completely shocked and didn’t know what to say. (Brain, is that really all you could come up with? “I guess so”? Gurrrrllllllll, run!) So he proceeded to tell me a slightly dirty joke. As I sat there wondering just what kind of doctor this guy was, he said “You have rheumatoid arthritis.” (Wait, no blood test, no x-rays, no exam….) I asked how he could know that. I was told that he had many years of experience and he’d seen it so much that he just knew. He suggested I start taking a chemo drug called methotrexate. This is a very low dose of chemo. I left and I never went back.
the SECOND time I heard the words Rheumatoid Arthritis from a doctor
Several years later, my new GP sent me to a specialist. This rheumatologist also came highly recommended. A doctor I trusted, who knew me, sent me to him. He was generally known to be a good doctor and a really great guy. So, I went in and talked to him. He asked how long I’d had symptoms. I said well, about 6 years now. And then Dr. Great Guy turned into Dr. Nasty. He berated me for waiting so long. He told me I was overweight (like I didn’t already know that). He said I see you’re single, divorced, right? Right. He replied by telling me I clearly made horrible life decisions. He said I was much too smart to act so stupid. I started crying, which frustrated Dr. Nasty to no end. He told me to “turn off the water works.” He said this was really all my fault. Then he said “I don’t want you as a patient. Find someone else.” I left. I went and sat in the hallway and called my sister. I continued crying. I looked up and here came Dr. Nasty down the hallway. He saw me and smirked, shaking his head. I limped to my car in complete disbelief.
Finding the RIGHT doctor (third time’s a charm)
I asked around for another recommendation. This time the doctor I went to see was professional, kind, and up to date on all the research. I told him about Dr. Nasty. He was shocked. He said “You can’t give yourself RA. So clearly HE makes bad life choices.” He said Dr. Nasty was a good doctor and usually a great guy. (SIGH) He said he’d like to see me as a patient, and we could work as a team to find the right drugs. That was the beginning of a great doctor-patient relationship. He’s still my favorite doctor I’ve ever seen. If I hadn’t moved away, I’d still be going to him. No off-color comments or jokes. No berating me. Only compassion, caring and a professional approach. He was thoughtful when things didn’t go right, slow and steady analysis. Just my kind of doc!
So don’t get frustrated if you’re looking for a doctor and the one you find isn’t a good fit. Just keep looking. Find one you can work with as a team. You may have to try a few. I hope they are nothing like the first two I saw, and everything like the one I found.
